Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
