I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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