You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
smell my finger.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
