It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
