Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
