tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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