they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
