Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
