The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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