we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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