We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
