Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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