I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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