I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
