If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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