You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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