If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
