my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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