ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
