god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
