I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
