Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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