Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
