hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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