My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
