I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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