I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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