ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
