my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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