i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
