i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
