Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
