At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
