Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
