I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
