You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
