no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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