my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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