So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
