some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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