Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
