My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
