Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
