Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
