Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
