Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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