You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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