so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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