you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
