the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
