I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You can't special order awesome
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
