It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
