I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
