shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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