It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
