sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
