A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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